Six regrettable tweets

First of all, in case you are wondering what on earth a tweet is, then please read about Twitter here.

Six regrettable tweets? Or should it be six regretful tweets? Either way, these tweets got me thinking “oh no…” as soon as they went out. At least one of my followers on twitter has threatened to save them (and use them in a presentation, the horror!) so I thought I’d better take ownership now.

I include the context for each of these, and what happened afterwards. Tweeters old and new, take note! Do not repeat these kinds of things! đŸ™‚

1. The Tart

The Tweet: “I will gladly sign @dudeneyge, @kenwilsonlondon or anyone else’s book if asked. I’m a bit of a tart like that. :-)”

The Context: I had done a blog posting on things that authors didn’t want to hear, where I had mentioned that I had been asked to sign books by other people. My reference to this, and the “tart” bit, had my followers chuckling away and challenging me to explain myself.

2. The Hangover

The Tweet: “I’m gonna start working on tomorrow’s hangover in, oh, about 90 minutes from now.”

The Context: The night of the ELTon awards, I’m sitting in my hotel room cooling my heels and getting ready to go out. I’m tweeting away and someone asks me if I aim on having a hangover the next day. My answer above is the kind of thing they warn you about on social networking. Have I tweeted myself out of a future job I wonder?

3. Terrible Commercial Tweeting

The Tweet: “We designed Global to be just the right size to prop up computers, keep doors ajar, balance wonky tables. 3 more reasons to buy!”

The Context: Gavin Dudeney had been making comments about the use of a book to prop up his laptop, and never one to miss a trick I started trumpeting the use of Global for such a purpose. This tweet sounds rather pleading, desperate even. Not at all the confident author image I’m sure my publisher wants me to emit.

4. Tweeting sound effects

The Tweet: “Ok, try this then. Sssss…. here I coooome…. Deathhhh…. I am heeere… (sound of shuffling, and snorting)”

The Context: I had subtitled a clip from the Seventh Seal about twitter (The Seventh Tweet, which for some reason is no longer available!) and people were asking if I were Death in the clip. So I started trying to sound like death. Did my followers laugh about this and tease me? Hell yes. I’ve also tried to tweet evil laughter once (mwhah mwhah!). Ken Wilson dryly commented that it read more like an air kiss, not evil laughter. Note to self – don’t do sound effects on twitter.

5. The albino massage

The Tweet: “This morning’s adventure. Trip to Turkish baths in Budapest. Broiled myself in steam room. Had massage by rather scary giant albino.”

The Context: I was in Budapest for a conference and EVERYBODY told me I should go to the Turkish baths. I did, and tweeted about it afterwards. My followers (vultures more like it) had an absolute field day with this. Hoots of laughter and replies like “send a twit pic!” If I ever go back there, I’m not telling anyone.

6. The Buyme Tweets

The Tweets: “Dogme Vow of Chastity vs #Buyme Vow of Hedonism. Which sounds more fun? Whose end of year party who you go to? ;-)” followed by “Subtext of Dogme: poor is good. Subtext of #Buyme: more is good.” and “#Buyme demands instant salary rises for all teachers. Absolutely necessary for consumption to rise.

The Context: After a few glasses of wine on a Sunday I got onto twitter. I wanted to do my first ever hashtag. But about what? I had been reading about dogme recently, and thought I would launch a counter attack! All good, except nobody was really listening. Only Gavin Dudeney, who kindly said that he thought I was the only one laughing at my own joke (a twitter smackdown, in other words). Shelley Terrell has informed me that this kind of tweeting is sometimes called Dweeting (tweeting when drunk, or after drinks)

Has anyone else had bad tweet experiences? Post a comment, if you dare…

Published in: on March 30, 2010 at 1:54 pm  Comments (14)  
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